On the occasion of my 3rd Mother's Day, as an actual mama...
How much has changed.
|mommy & me | her first mother's day|
Since losing my own beloved mother to cancer in 1995, I spent almost a decade and a half avoiding Mother's Day. I limped around with a reopened heart wound each year. I avoided all signs of other people celebrating with their moms. In fact, witnessing any daughter and mother interacting (at any time of year) would sometimes send me into a spiral of envy and grief. How I wanted that type of connection--in our case, absolute love and understanding--back.
Now? Hmm, now Mother's Day is a mix. Which is, trust me, a huge improvement.
|mama & J | my first mother's day|
The painful, unchanged reality of her absence all these years is always in my face, but it's now soothed so greatly by the sweet, innocent, pure joy of a new, budding life. A house full of toddler shrieks and laughter. New beginnings every day. A young life that traces its roots back to her. Directly back to her denim-blue eyes and zany silliness. She is with me again.
Of course, it's the same way that Jacky embodies all those who love him: he has my mother-in-law's throaty laugh, my biological father's freckles (count 'em: 3 now!), his father's sweetly curved upper lip, my toes (like, exactly, since day one) and on and on.
Bringing this special little person into the world is an act of beautiful expression. And, this new job that I have, this mothering, is by far the best job that I've had. It's a privilege, and it brings me peace.
I hope you all, whether you're a mother, a mother's child or someone who simply cares and nurtures, I hope you have a day (and more) filled with hugs, kisses, fulfillment and peace. Pay that love forward.