coast to coast

~photos by Toby~

This has been a year of of change. Change that happens, change that looms, change that's contemplated. Some exciting, some difficult, some disheartening. People gone, excitement that fades, but also new ideas that spark and burn bright, new journeys begun. The connective tissues of life... tested, stretched, broken at times.

Change. Isn't there a song?

Tonight, we had my youngest brother Max over for a farewell dinner. It was like any other: we gathered, played with Jacky, who danced around in his diaper and played peek-a-boo and talked about kitties and tools and kisses... then we ate and talked. And then Max started his van up and coaxed it up over our hill for the last time... for a good while. In a couple days, he'll point that van onto the highway and drive to the other side of the country. For a bright, shining new chapter in his already interesting life.

We've lived in the same adopted city for a long, long time. I remember helping him move into the dorms at college up here, and I was both excited for him and astounded that my "baby" brother--who we joke I still sometimes think of as 4; he's almost 30--was making such a big, important step. 

Tonight, I'm having deja vu all over again. Only I'm not helping him find his dorm room, I'm waving good-bye as he heads off down a road that I can't really make out from my vantage point. It's a path that he'll have to discover for himself.

I hugged him tightly and thought about the excitement of a cross-country drive, which I've always wanted to do. I thought of the lure of living in other cities, which once captivated me. I was excited for him. I am excited for him. I told him not goodbye but that I'll see you soon.

I wished him a safe journey, and that he would find what ever his heart yearns for in New York. I smiled as he walked down our steps. And then I cried as he drove away.